Fury...

I stand here filled with, I don't know what. FURY!
So angry, filled with remorse. The thought of being alone terrifies me now.
Consumed with anger, sorrow.
Lord God are some of us destined to be alone, lie decomposing.
Alone God how is this living or a part of life...

How could this be?
I'm so angry, I'm livid as to how you could allow such an end.
This pain, the mourning; unlike any other I've known.

Why do I feel the draining light...
This relentless...

Sunday afternoon...

Out on an afternoon Sunday stroll this afternoon...

I smelled you today, a whiff of one of the
many scents you possess engulfed my nose, on a passerby.

Fought back tears with a smile...
Instinct was to think of happier times, but nothing.

I am Drowning...

I can't decide how I feel most days...
I wake up with the highest expectations from any connections made.
Most days let down of course by
cynicism, unwanted sexual advances, even my own lack of focus.

SAD ENDING & GOOD BYE to 17 years of friendship

Distant disappointment...
You turned out to be weaker than I thought...

You can't handle my free thought, my free spirit.
You want not to share me, but I remain on the market.
While you what... Get your dick wet by others, and continue to return to me.
You are that "womanizer" father's warn their daughter's about.
Defended you on many occasions. Which turned out to be more of me enabling you.
Why? Because 17 years means something to me.
If nothing else "friendship" should have been our conclusion.

I've reached my breaking point, as you are
now aware, from the last harsh words I had to share with you.
Seventeen years obviously means nothing to you.


You're clearly aware of my feelings for you (J.J), so much so... You've taken clear advantage.
You lost something good and for you I'm afraid...
How funny is that? Maybe because I have no doubt
I'll find the love & lover deserving of the "TRUE ME".
I loved you unconditionally...You are the very witness.
Maybe a truly blind witness, but nonetheless a witness.

Love will always remain for you.
My view of you and of me now is clearer.

My view was clouded by the "I Love Yous", the continued
sexual encounters, and of course our 17 year history.